Without A Net Series (#5): Taking A Leap Of Faith With Joey Paynter

I'm back!

It's been awhile and I have really missed blogging. During my hiatus, I was preparing to move from Southern California. 10 days ago, I relocated to the Hawaiian island of Oahu, home to Waikiki, Pearl Harbor, the North Shore and the state capital, Honolulu. Although I have lived in Honolulu before, it was a huge leap leaving my job of 10+ years in a volatile and unpredictable economy. Financial analysts would wag their forefingers and "tsk, tsk" at my choice to uproot during my peak "earning years." Additionally, I abandoned many close, lifelong friends and immediate family. (The story of my move is a post for another day.)

This was a hard decision, but as you will see from this posting, those are the most rewarding.

Friend and fellow photographer, Joey Paynter, has traveled extensively documenting her life experiences via the camera. She’s risked much and lived plenty and if her biography were published, it would read like that of an 80-year old’s: rich, wise and filled with adventure, loss, challenge, happiness and love. I am inspired by how her curiosity drives her to overcome and embrace her fears. Read on for some insight in letting go…

Do you see yourself as a risk-taker?

Absolutely. I honestly can’t imagine living any other way. I experienced a deep, deep loss as a child and through this loss I learned that life is a gift and each moment given is there for me to either embrace or shy away from. I choose to embrace and in that embracing take risks to expand beyond my own comfort. I’m always curious as to what’s on the other side of my fear and what’s on the other end of that risk.

(Solomon Islands)

Describe what the term “risk-taking” means to you.

Risk-taking to me is venturing into the unknown full force. It’s a letting go of sorts, a letting go of comfort, of control, of the knowing. A risk usually brings up fear and in that moment that a risk exists, so does the choice to take or not to take a risk and to face the fear. I see it ultimately as an expansion of myself into a greater opening of existence without knowing or being attached to the outcome.

Describe the biggest risk/chance you took in the last year.

Gosh… so many honestly. But the biggest risk I took last year was quitting my job and starting up my own business. In August of 2010, I went to Montana on a vision quest where I fasted for three and a half days and spent two nights alone in the woods surrounded by nature. I sat in a 3-foot diameter prayer circle clearing my mind from the endless lists and banter and eventually entered into my heart space. It was in this heart space that an opening was made and I felt a push for me to take my idea of A Seeker’s Journey and make it into a reality. I came home, quit my job and created A Seeker’s Journey, which is a mentoring/life coaching business designed to help others connect to who they really are and empower them to live in their authentic self. Running this business includes hosting retreats, workshops and seminars and eventually taking clients overseas to get involved in volunteer trips. The reason this was a complete risk for me is that I made a choice to not get licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist. This meant that I decided not to follow the path that was marked out for me, but rather create my own and trust in the gifts I have been given. There is a complete unknown element to this and with it come these questions/fears: Will I keep getting clients? Where are my clients going to come from? What if I’m making a mistake by not getting licensed? Wouldn’t it just be easier to get a ‘regular’ job? The stream of questions and fears is endless but the truth is my soul has never felt so alive and so congruent with following my passion and my dream.

(Guatemala)

Thus far, you have traveled to over 30 countries in your short life. What challenges have you faced before/during/after your trips?

I could list story after story of facing my fears in the various countries I’ve traveled to over the past ten years. Some of the trips I took where on a volunteer basis, for which I had to raise the money in order to go. In the beginning there was the fear of, “What if I don’t raise the money?” And in the process of raising the money I experienced secondary fears like, “Does this cause others to feel uncomfortable?” and “I don’t want to ask others to support me.” However, I was always able to raise more than enough money and often the exact amount I needed. Since a lot of the areas I went in were not always the safest or the most developed, such as the Middle East, parts of the Amazon, Thailand and Africa, I had other pre-trip fears like, “Am I going to get Malaria? Is something bad going to happen? Will I get sick?” Challenges would usually arise during my trips, but in all honesty I have learned to allow this to all become part of the process. I have had my wallet and passport stolen, have gotten incredibly sick, have had miscommunication with contacts that left me and others without a place to stay, struggled with the language barrier at times, have slept on hard floors for weeks at a time, had rats crawl over me while in a mosquito net…the list goes on. Though these were challenges, they have also become fun parts of my story.

(Egypt)

I think, initially, when I traveled for volunteer work, a lot of the challenges were simply getting over myself—getting over my fears of not being outgoing. I found myself being pushed time and time again out of my comfort zone and talking to strangers that I normally would not even talk to. After all, I was a shy girl that felt awkward just walking up and talking to someone let alone someone from a different culture. But, each time I did I found that more of the adventure would unfold, leading me deeper into the personal lives of these strangers. I’ve been invited into the homes of people I hardly knew or had just met and was given permission to do lengthy photo shoots with their families, I’ve been invited to a wedding that took place in an alley way, I was snuck into the back of a hut so that I could photograph the uncovered faces of local women…. All of these interactions took boldness on my part and an acceptance that even though my fears were present I didn’t have to let them take control. The hardest challenge for me is always returning from a trip: I experience more of a culture shock returning here than when experiencing other cultures elsewhere in the world. There is something so beautiful to me about a simple way of living and in these other countries I experience this simplicity. But, then I return to the States and am overwhelmed with how much we have and how much we, “I”, take for granted n a daily basis.

Do you regret any risks you’ve taken?

I can’t think of a single risk I’ve taken that I regret. Even if there have been consequences to those risks, I believe it all becomes part of the process and the process is what is continually evolving and expanding me.

How does risk-taking make you feel? How does it reward you?

I feel completely alive when I take a risk. I feel that I am truly living in the moment and am detached from a known way of being. There is an excitement and a curiosity of what’s next that arises in me. The reward is simply the moment because in that moment I am fully present and when I’m fully present I am fully alive.

(Panama)

What prevents you from taking risks?

I actually can’t say that there’s too much that does prevent me. I see each of my fears as a challenge to get to know life, God, and me more. If I see a risk I find a way to take it knowing that there may be a cost, but what’s greater to me than the cost or the fear is the expansion and aliveness that live within that risk-taking.

How do you overcome your fears in order to take risks?

I think my process is quite simple actually. I look at each fear and I ask, “Fear, what are you trying to teach me? What are you trying to keep me from?” And, as I sit with that there’s something in me that feels the strength to embrace the challenge. I have found that fear is actually there to push me beyond where I’m at if I let it because fear is simply letting me know there is more to experience. I’ve learned that movement and fluidity is key, so if I’m blocked by fear I ask myself, “What would it be like if I were a river? How would I respond to this fear?” The answer is simple: I’d keep moving.

(Haiti)

Having experienced many cultures and societies, how would you describe a foreigner’s approach to handling fear and risk-taking vs. how Americans handle it?

Tough question. I think overall though there isn’t really that much of a difference. The truth is we are all the same and we all experience the emotions of fear, pain, sadness and anxiety, which are the emotions that have the potential to keep us from taking risks. I have seen people in other cultures take on challenges which appear so great in my mind’s eye, but in the same breath of them rising above the basic survival challenges there at times is still an underlying fear of am I enough? Or a belief that someone needs to help me. Yet I also see incredible strength and acceptance from such a raw place that I haven’t experienced as much over here in America. I think in the US there may appear to be more choices, but in these choices there is the choice of complacency. There is a choice that isn’t based on survival but rather comfort. This luxury of choice I think can keep us stagnant and further detached from our true selves.

(Jerusalem)

Why do you think people allow themselves to be paralyzed by fear?

I honestly don’t know. I think underneath it all is a fear of losing oneself…almost as if there is a fear of dying. In a sense though this is exactly what’s happening, there is a death that occurs when we face our fears and that part of our attachment is afraid to die. The paralyzed state is the element of choice, to not move keeps both options alive but to stay in one spot is to choose comfort and the other is to risk a death of sorts… but in that death comes a rebirth.. The fear is that the rebirth doesn’t exist. At least those are a few of my thoughts.

(Brazil)

How would you coach someone through taking a risk?

I do this on a regular basis actually. I suggest truly engaging with fear. Find out what questions are there that are arising as your fears. Once you actually understand the shape and characteristics fear takes on you are better equipped to engage in the process. I then encourage people to interact with fear as if it were a human entity because the truth is whether you acknowledge the fear or not as that we carry it around in us all day. Bringing this to the surface and engaging in the process transforms our fear into beauty and movement.

Any words of wisdom?

When facing fear, fall in love with the questions and allow the questions to be your guide. There is a far greater depth and openness that can be experienced each and every day when we wake up with a curiosity to allow the unknown to teach us.

A few years back these words came to me when I was at the beach connecting with depths of me: “Surrender…the beauty is in the unknown…it is there where you will find me…and that me is you and that you is I AM.”

Live in each moment and that way you will know you are fully ALIVE!

(South Africa)

April: 30-Day Whining Cease Fire

[Disclaimer: This particular post is not written in the spirit of being politically correct. It’s my personal bitch about complaining. So if it offends you, I suggest you take responsibility for your own feelings and do the sensible thing: Stop reading it.]

Here it is—the April Chapter in my It’s All About (Risk) Me List. There seemed to be a lot of giving-up of things last month in honor of Lent. The raised consciousness was palpable and I felt a sense of camaraderie amongst my fellow abstainers as they avoided chocolate, substituted water for that coveted Diet Coke (or harder stuff), and replaced F-bombs with “Oh, fudge.”

I pledged to omit complaining.

No, seriously. I did. (It’s not urban legend. Women can actually refrain from complaining if they choose to.)

This was a great exercise in becoming aware of two things: 1) what actually drives me to complain and 2) how much of a hypocrite I am.

Hypocrite? Oh yeah.

You see, although I’ve pinpointed exactly what causes me to gripe (10 things to be precise), I also, in my new-found silence from kvetching, could not avoid the glaring realization that I rant about habits or attitudes that, gasp, I have as well.

Oh, fudge.

Yes, I, too, am among the mere mortals committing these heinous crimes.

Now, I'm proud to say I'm a situational grumbler, not a compulsive one. We’ve all experienced those dark cloud magnets. S/he’s that naysayer we will circumvent, avoid eye contact with and/or feign sudden deafness just to avoid because, frankly, winning the lottery would elicit a complaint from them. I would prefer a root canal, mammogram or other tortuous medical procedure to an exchange with one of these energy-sappers.

But the fact remains, I do bellyache and it’s almost always because of one or more of the Top 10 Things That Annoy Me (in order of most to least):

1. Negative People: This is a broad category including all manner of pessimism, such as, rudeness, lack of consideration, impatience, selfishness, being judgmental and complaining (whoops, mea culpa). I try to avoid any lengthy conversations with these folks. In fact, I try to avoid interacting with them at all. I’ve often wondered, how do they make it through the day? Does continually proving that the proverbial glass is half empty ever exhaust them? Because if I were as negative as some of the lovely bad attitudes I’ve encountered, I wouldn’t have enough energy to crawl out of bed.

2. Ignorance: So, I’ve lapsed now and again, missing the memo, as we all have. Sometimes it’s because I'm a television non-viewer and sometimes it’s because, well, I don’t really care to hear or read about yet another round of Let’s Find Fault With Our President or the continually rising price of gasoline. Frankly, there are times when I just need to numb my mind with escape tactics like, increasing my score on Facebook’s Bejeweled. Contrived ignorance, on the other hand, is a completely different animal, also known as manipulation, or, to put it bluntly, lying disguised as ignorance. I’ve seen you and I know who you are. To you I say, mind that boomerang headed your way.

3. Lack of Gratitude: Spoiled + entitled + egocentric minus gratefulness & humility = unaware, sad and obnoxious. We’ve heard you ad nauseum and already know that you want a different car, bigger home, new toy or another spouse. Remember, if you were suddenly one of the millions of impoverished or displaced persons living without basic needs like drinkable water, food and plumbing, the life that you're currently whining about would be quite fantastic. Also, we’d love it if you would add the words “Thank-You” to your vocabulary.
4. Interrupters, et al: Pass me the bottle, because I’m going to need it. To be clear, I’m not talking about the person who occasionally interjects a validating comment or exclamation (which I have done). No, these are the 1) Conversation Derailers (known for converting your floor time into an episode of Here’s What Happened To Me), 2) Sentence Finishers (do you really need me here, because you seem to have this conversation wired on your own) and 3) A&B Hijackers (who approach two people already in conversation to interrupt with their just-can't-wait-until-later information). Raise your hand if you lose all desire to converse with these self-important beauties.

5. Little or No Follow-Through: I consider this to be a “first time shame on you, second time shame on me” type of situation. The Initial Disappointment is your clue that there’s more to follow. Don’t wait around for it. Move in the opposite direction as quickly as possible because in addition to having to accomplish fill-in-the-blank yourself, the bonus letdown is believing someone who fails you. Disappointers, I have a tip for you: Do not say you will do something that you are not going to do. Otherwise, you’re just a liar. Period.
   
6. The Unapologetic/Insincerely Apologetic: I define this category in two ways: 1) folks who rarely-to-never take responsibility for their misdeeds and 2) the brainiacs who do things they know won’t be well-received but persist anyway thinking that if they include an apology they will be forgiven for being a jackass. Hint: I'm onto you and merely saying you’re sorry doesn’t actually mean that you are. Not doing it again does.
7. Slow Drivers in the Fast Lane: Here’s a friendly reminder: The left lane is not, I repeat not, The Scenic Route. It's called The Fast Lane because law-breaking Lead-Foots such as myself use it to exceed the speed limit. Please comply with the posted speed in one of the other lanes, Granny. Thank-You.
8. Expired Food in the Refrigerator: Expiration dates were invented for a reason. Unless you're inventing a new strain of Penicillin, let it go. If you didn’t get your money’s worth when it was fresh, you aren’t going to when it’s got a layer of fuzzy mold on it.
9. Cupboards and Doors Left Open: I know admitting that this irritates me makes me a World Class Ranter, but I’m still wondering, if I removed all the doors and cupboards, do you think they would notice?
10. Overcast Weather: I thought this was the curse of Seattle and London, not Orange County. We've already got smog. We're good with the gray skies.
    

I know life can seem hard at times. People, circumstances and the Fates seem to conspire against our best laid plans. When we have these days, a safe haven is necessary and replenishing. If you're like me when I'm frustrated or upset, initially I need to vent in a trusted ear or cry on a reliable shoulder, and then I can happily move forward.

But for those who make complaining a regular part of verbalizing, I encourage you to become aware of what you think this gives you and consider the following:

1. How often do you complain?
2. What makes you complain and why?
3. How could your life be different if you reduced your complaining?
4. What if you changed every negative statement into a positive one?
5. If you reduced/stopped your complaints and others learned to do the same by your example and this kept spreading, what would that look like to you?

If you're a parent, you know your kids are watching you. All the time. I don't know any parents who want their children to become negative, unhappy whiners, do you? So change that. For them as well as for you. It's easier to be happy than you think!

Some quotes to ponder:

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." ~ Peter Walencewicz (to me and my brothers every time we would argue)

"I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." ~ Jewish proverb

"One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him." ~ Chinese proverb

"Constant complaint is the poorest sort of pay for all the comforts we enjoy." ~ Ben Franklin

"Those who complain about the way the ball bounces are often the ones who dropped it." ~ Unknown

"Depend upon it that if a man talks of his misfortunes there is something in them that is not disagreeable to him." ~ Samuel Johnson

"The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced." ~ Unknown

No Seatbelt Series #3: La Aventura En East LA by Pamela Walencewicz

In February 2011, Westways magazine featured an article announcing the opening of the extension of the Metro Gold Line. This new route introduces access directly through East Los Angeles, along 3^rd Street.

I was immediately intrigued and curious. Cogs in my brain began clicking forward. The calendar suddenly appeared in front of me and I began pondering which Saturday was available for this soon-to-be adventure.

Perhaps, you are wondering why a woman raised behind the conservative, suburban Orange Curtin would have an interest in one of the most notorious gang-infested and impoverished parts of Los Angeles.

To which I would respond with two words: Graciela Iturbide.

Copyright Graciela Iturbide

Three years ago, I saw a haunting, provocative and alluring exhibit at The Getty Center, titled “Danza de La Cabrita” or The Goat’s Dance. This exhibit (which I saw twice because it was THAT good) featured some of the most unreal portraits I've ever seen, including Iturbide's work from a 1986 group documentary project titled, “A Day in the Life of America.” Her submissions were of a family of Mexican-American cholos residing in the White Fence barrio of East Los Angeles. She photographed this family with an intimacy and a perspective that only a trusted relationship could yield. Theirs is a story of gang involvement, poverty, pain, deafness, survival and love. And this story, etched into my brain ever since first seeing those images, is what inspired me.

But, do I go it alone?

Fortunately, I was able to cajole one of my closest friends, also a native of Mexico, into accompanying me on this escapade. (I found that mentioning there was some authentic street cuisine involved was a great motivator.) So, Ezequiel of Guadalajara and I shed our suburbanite mantles and took the Metrolink train from Santa Ana Station into LA’s Union Station where we transferred to the Gold Line.

Our first stop was actually a mistake.

Navigating solely by the not-to-scale 3 x 3 map torn from the Westways article, I steered us to a premature exit. Luckily, we were able to take in the attractive sight of a homeless man stretched across a bench, sleeping comfortably and sheltered from the noonday sun by his red umbrella.

Next stop: Mariachi Plaza.

Beautiful murals form an eye-catching backdrop to this square where Lucha Reyes stands proudly, a bronzed version of the mariachi matriarch. During the afternoon, it’s almost an eerily quiet and peaceful corner of the neighborhood. Children play in the gazebo, mariachi stroll around gently soliciting their musical talent, residents sit on iron benches (or in recliners under the doorjamb of their shop), surveying their town and enjoying a chat in the sun.

Am I really in East LA?

Impressively rubbish-free, well-organized, and lined with freshly painted and restored buildings, 3^rd street could be most suburbs in America. The fast and efficient Metro Gold Line extension is so new that the interior still has that “new car” smell.

But, we haven’t eaten yet…

So excited were we to indulge in some authentic street tacos, we exited one stop too soon. Luckily, this provided me with an opportunity to snap away.

Then, we saw it: King Taco.

And then we tasted it…street taco Nirvana.

[Because I rarely photograph my meals, you won’t be able to see the tacos here, but try this link instead: http://www.kingtaco.com/menu.html]

Fellow taco addicts, should you find yourself in East LA (or at any one of their other Southern California locations), I strongly encourage you to stop and let your taste buds run amok at King Taco. Whether you play it safe with a favorite version or take a risk on an exotic cabeza or lengua taco (that’s cow brain and cow tongue for the non-Spanish speaking), you will be doing yourself a huge culinary favor. Chase your selections with a delicious jamaica to complete your experience. Que buenississississimo sabor!

At some point, we dragged our engorged panzas off the chairs and happily sated, rolled back to the rail stop, ending our afternoon in East LA. Arriving back at Union Station, we agreed to walk off our meal with a stroll around Olvera Street.

What I love about this district is that it engulfs you. It doesn’t feel much like Los Angeles nor does it feel completely like Mexico but it can deliver you to another time and place with the colors, smells, sounds and wares of cultural Mexico. At dusk, shops and restaurants brim with patrons, Norteño music drifts in from the plaza center and the scent of masa and cumin swirl around. We meandered through the maze of weathered shops and vendor carts, stopping occasionally to admire the calacas, huaraches and renderings of the Virgencita sitting alongside metal signs emblazoned with “Save Olvera Street,” touristy refrigerator magnets and other kitschy memorabilia.

Was this an experience akin to Graciela Iturbide’s?

Absolutely not. But, it was a short and pleasant fall down the colorful, cultural rabbit hole and something I would encourage you to do as well. Stretch your legs, get on a train and explore beyond your bubble.

You may surprised at what you’ll see.